Child psychologists advise parents on managing emotional outbursts

Child psychologists and occupational therapists suggest that parents should focus on their own emotional regulation rather than commanding children to “calm down” during outbursts. Experts note that when children are in the midst of a meltdown, their nervous systems are often in survival mode, making the reasoning part of the brain temporarily inaccessible. Consequently, telling a child to calm down can be perceived as a command they are physically unable to follow, or as a signal that their feelings are unwelcome.

Instead of “fixing and indulging” a child’s distress by removing consequences or chores, professionals recommend practicing “distress tolerance.” This involves staying composed and providing calm support without rescuing the child from the discomfort of difficult situations, such as losing a game or struggling with homework. By modeling a relaxed body and a calm voice, parents can demonstrate the emotional regulation skills they wish to see in their children, helping them build long-term resilience and healthy coping mechanisms.