Massimo Recalcati on maintaining desire in long-term relationships

Italian psychoanalyst Massimo Recalcati explores the challenges of maintaining long-term romantic relationships. He suggests that the primary threat to enduring couples is not external interference, but rather an excess of familiarity that can lead to what philosopher Theodor W. Adorno termed “alienating intimacy.”

Recalcati argues that when partners feel they have completely mapped out each other's personalities and lives, the sense of discovery vanishes, which can cause desire to weaken. To counter this, he posits that successful couples must maintain two “heroic gestures”: upholding the original romantic promise and continuing to find novelty in one another despite their deep familiarity.