Parenting guide: harmful phrases to avoid with neurodivergent and shy children

Experts advise parents to stop using judgmental or demanding language with children who have neurodevelopmental disorders such as autism, ADHD, or dyslexia. Phrases like “make an effort,” “you’re doing it on purpose,” and “why can’t you do it?” imply a lack of will and can increase shame and resistance. Instead, parents should ask concrete questions about obstacles and break tasks into smaller steps.

Similar guidance applies to shy children. Comments that label a child as “timid” or demand they “stop being shy” reinforce anxiety and withdrawal. Better alternatives include offering low‑pressure options, such as “you can wave instead of saying hello,” or acknowledging the child’s feelings while encouraging gradual participation. Both sets of advice aim to replace criticism with empathy and problem‑solving, fostering confidence and better emotional regulation.