Psychologist explains causes of adult child estrangement

Psychologist and therapist Jeffrey Bernstein identifies key psychological drivers behind the estrangement of adult children from their parents. He notes that relationship breakdowns are rarely sudden and often stem from unaddressed signals. A primary warning sign is the phrase, ‘You don’t even try to understand me,’ which indicates a deep-seated feeling that the child’s perspective and emotions are being ignored.

Bernstein explains that well-intentioned parental care can sometimes backfire, making adult children feel invisible or judged. This occurs when family conversations focus exclusively on the child’s problems—such as financial, professional, or emotional struggles—rather than their interests, thoughts, or joys.

Furthermore, constant unsolicited advice can be perceived as judgment or pressure rather than support. Bernstein suggests that parents should check whether their child needs practical solutions or simply wants to be heard, noting that active listening is essential for repairing or maintaining these connections.