Psychotherapist discusses survivor guilt in dysfunctional families

A 66-year-old widow has shared her experience of reaching a breaking point while attempting to manage the continuous crises of her dysfunctional family. Despite building a stable life through education and financial security, the woman felt a profound detachment from her siblings, a feeling exacerbated by a specific incident involving an explicit text message from her sister.

Psychoanalytic psychotherapist Susanna Abse suggests that such situations often involve ‘survivor guilt,’ where successful individuals feel a quiet shame or fear that their own stability has somehow harmed their relatives. Abse warns that attempting to fix the complex lives of adult siblings can be an exhausting and futile effort, noting that the belief one can improve others can stem from a sense of omnipotence.

To find peace, experts recommend setting strict personal boundaries and recognizing that adult siblings must manage their own lives. Shifting focus toward supportive friendships rather than attempting to resolve family dysfunction can provide emotional relief.